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A Hunting We Will Go

We all love a great hunting and fishing adventure, right?  There's just nothing quite like getting into the great outdoors for a little relaxation and time to commune with nature!  WE all need some peace and quiet in those pristine settings of woodlands filled with oaks, maples and hemlocks.  Yes, friends we ALL need those mountain trails that lead us to brooks and lakes filled with trout and bass.  Who would pass up the opportunity to be surrounded by whitetail deer, elk or moose?  Mankind was not made for traffic jams, stuck elevators or waiting for hours to catch a plane, train or bus!  That's what "poor ole George" thought..

Morning: 1:00 AM: Alarm clock rings. 2:00 AM: Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed. 2:30 AM: Throw everything except kitchen sink into pickup. 3:00 AM: Leave for deep woods. 3:15 AM: Drive back home to pick up gun. 3:30 AM: Drive like crazy to get to the woods before daylight. 4:00 AM: Set up camp. Forgot the stupid tent. 4:30 AM: Head for the woods. 6:05 AM: See eight deer. 6:06 AM: Take aim and squeeze trigger. 6:07 AM: CLICK. 6:08 AM: Load gun while watching deer go over hill. 8:00 AM: Head back to camp. 9:00 AM: Still looking for camp. 10:00 AM: Realize that you don't know where camp is.

Afternoon: Fire gun for help---eat wild berries. 2:15 PM: Run out of bullets---eight deer come back. 2:20 PM: Strange feeling in stomach. 2:30 PM: Realize that you ate poison berries. 2:45 PM: Rescued. 2:55 PM: Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped, throw up instead. 3:15 PM: Arrive back at camp. 3:30 PM: Leave camp to kill deer. 4:00 PM: Return to camp for bullets. 4:01 PM: Load gun---leave camp again.

Evening: 5:00 PM: Empty gun on bug that is bugging you. 6:00 PM: Arrive at camp -- see deer grazing. 6:01 PM: Load gun. 6:02 PM: Fire gun. 6:03 PM: One dead pickup. 6:05 PM: Hunting partners arrive in camp dragging deer. 6:06 PM: Repress desire to shoot hunting partners. 6:07 PM: Fall into fire. 6:10 PM: Change clothing, throw burned ones in fire. 6:15 PM: Take pickup, leave hunting partners and deer in camp. 6:25 PM: Pickup boils over due to hole shot in block. 6:26 PM: Start walking. 6:30 PM: Stumble and fall, drop gun in mud. 6:35 PM: Meet bear. 6:36 PM: Take aim. 6:37 PM: Fire gun, blow up barrel that's plugged with mud. 6:38 PM: Mess pants. 6:39 PM: Climb tree. 11:00 PM: Bear leaves. Wrap gun around tree.

Midnight: Home at last. Fall on knees thanking Maker.

Next day: Watch football game on TV, slowly tearing up hunting license into small pieces, place in envelope, and mail to Game Warden.